So there I was, looking for online text of letters from Abigail Adams to John Adams. In a fit of whimsy, I typed in the search string "Dear John."
I found the 'Dear John Letter' Generator.
Oh, this is too good!
By the time you read this, I'll be hocking your jewelry. I'm sorry for doing this but, OK, I'm really not. I know this might comes as a bit of a brain aneurysm to you - especially because I've been hiding at the bottom of a jug of Gallo. But I'm sorry – I just need hot sex with someone who isn't a human potato sack. I think you're a psychopath, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not compatible. You're a Republican, and I'm beyond that. You like boudoir role-playing, you eat endangered species, and enjoy flea markets, and I don't like any of these things. Your favorite movie is The Bare Wench Project, and your favorite band is Jefferson Starship. Do you even know what my favorite movie or band is? I once asked you what color my eyes are and you said "Nuke me some fucking hash browns!". Anyway, I want to date an entire troupe of Chippendales. But you know what? I still want to be friends of a friend. We can totally talk once a year . We had some good times, or so it looks on the videotape (even though I'm passed out) . But please, don't get all John Wayne Gacy like last time. That means no committing arson. And look - I won't even make an issue out of the you owe me, or the fact that you auctioned our love child. So take care of yourself - and O.D. on Botox.
P.S. I'll love you forever. Call me next week..
Shamelessly stolen from gmonkey42!
ROFLMAO!!!!! The roses!!! Aaaaaaagh!