Today, I got one from 'Incredible News!' entitled, "AerdenSRW, Grow Your Penis Safely and Effectively..."
So I imagined what Aerden's reaction would have been...
(after about half an hour of ranting obscenities)
Dear 'Incredible News! (Insert syrupy sweet tone here.)
I so hate to burst your bubble, but I am a fictional character and therefore don't really have a penis, even though I usually act as if I do. However, I will say that, at age 41, the incorporeal equipment I do have works just fine for its purposes, and I am more than satisfied with it.
On a side note--I am a physician, and as you have been so kind as to offer me medical advice, I would like to return the favor. Please feel free to visit my office any time for a free proctological examination. I promise to be very thorough. Don't worry about setting an appointment, I will make time for you.