December 21st, 2005


Grumpy Advice for the Lovelorn

In which I preactice relationship therapy without a license and without a very good sense of humor, either.

This is not addressed to anyone on my friends list; it is addressed to a guy who rides my bus, who talks to his girlfriend on his cellphone every morning. This is me venting--from frustration, I guess. I don't know this guy at all, and I'm sure he wouldn't welcome any advice from me on how to conduct his romantic relationships, nor is it my business. But, because I've been privy to one-half of his conversations for so long, I've got this illusion that I have leave to comment.

Sir--Rule #1: If you are going to talk to your girlfriend about your relationship with her, do not hold this conversation on the bus. Do not hold it at work. Do not hold it in the men's room. Go home or someplace where you can speak in privacy, without a lot of background noise, and say what you want to say.

2. If you have to tell your girlfriend, "You know I love you, baby," you can take it as a given that she doesn't know you love her or else doesn't believe you do.

3. If you ask your girlfriend, "Don't you want to be with me?" you have already figured out subconsciously that she doesn't want to be with you, and asking this question only proves that you are deluding yourself. Women can tell when a man is deluding himself. It doesn't impress us.

4. If you have to ask your girlfriend, "What can I do to make you happy?" nothing you can ever do will make her happy because you are clearly not the man she wants. If you aren't the man making her happy, it's a pretty good bet that someone else is. Wake up. Get a clue. Bid her a gracious farewell, and find yourself a woman who does want you.

Buddy, the underlying problem in all of this is that you need to build your self-confidence. Until you do that, you are going to keep falling for women who will think, He's a nice guy, but... They might not know exactly why they don't want you, but they will know you're not the guy they're looking for.

I worry that this may cause you to feel embittered and hopeless about women after a while. The thing is, we're not all bitches. We're not all out to pick you up and toss you away without a care. But we do have the capacity for judgment, and when we see a guy who has low self-esteem, we tend to want to keep our distance.

Unfortunately, my venting is not very helpful in coming up with a solution to the self-esteem problem. *sigh*
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To a Russian, with Love

RPG: I'm not sure if she would like this rabbit food soup or not, but...If his girlfriend Erzsebet were still in the present and not being possessed by the soul of one of her dark wizarding ancestors, Seth would make her a bowl of shi soup.

It looks tasty! Recipe courtesy of iswari.

Two Alleys: So I'm mystified. Of the three Gloucester newspapers--the Citizen, the Journal, and the Echo, which one would a man like Paul Graves be the most likely to read?

It would have to be the most non-tabloid of these papers, of course. (g)

Science: Footprints dating from the last Ice Age (about 20,000 years ago) have been found in the Australian Outback of western New South Wales.
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